What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 28.06.2025 02:20
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I think the readers, may guess!
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Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
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The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
What did i know ?
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I could never make a relationship work though!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Why do all the stupid people think Donald J. Trump is stupid?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Im still living with it.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
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Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I write beautiful poetry .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
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But ive been too sick for many years..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I have no regrets .
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And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He knew the spot.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
What is a good habit and what is bad one?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
We were not on the streets..
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
My family never makes their pension either.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
(And it was in our own minds.)
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I said to her
Where the ultimate outsiders.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But, we were locked up after school.
She was in good health!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I was 9 years of age.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I was scared of men, in general
My life is so biszare .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I waited trembling.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
So whats the point in blame.
She married twice! .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
All the time i was locked up.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
She wouldn,t have been !
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I was very sick at this time too.
I couldn’t, believe it.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
As i do to all so called friends.?
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Put me off passion for life!!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I was seconnd youngest,
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
And i lived it daily.
So, i spoilt her more .
It was going to be , some day.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She found it foreign!.
But it wasn’t much.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He resisted the act ,that day.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Ive learnt so much.
I never cut or harmed myself..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
We all went to grammer schools
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
This is soul school!.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Comes on , in middle age.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
One cannot live in the past .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Would this be the day?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I don,t even have a pension.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
She loved him until the end.
I will be 64.
Who then, do I blame.?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
When she asked me how she looked .
Especially a lifetime of it.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.